Memoirs of a Murdered Heart

I keep my heart to myself
Too many people believe they are entitled to know what I hide within it
This jewel I preserve was not created to appease curiosity
It is preserved to be in the care of somebody who will not only hold it
But will put it in place of their own and treat it like such
Just because you are interested doesn’t mean you deserve it
Whether you’re nice or worthy isn’t even a factor
This jewel is not required to be handed over
No matter how everlasting the love or deserving the person
You can cut mine out when I am dead
If it was not my love and only the chase,
Only my heart you were truly after

I keep my fears to myself
Too many people I thought I could trust,
Use my secrets like weapons to wound me
These secrets are my vulnerabilities
I am not required to share them,
Especially with those whose mind I cannot read
Intentions will never be truly distinguished
And I will never know what thoughts you really produce
Words can and mostly are manipulated half-truths..
of what goes on in a person’s mind

I mostly keep to myself
My world is my imagination
I experience everything differently
I have a mind that does not match yours
And I live like you will not
Too many people believe open doors lead to a happier life
But that will let in rats
I believe these people have houses too big they never know whose comes in
I need to meet many layers before I let someone come over
I will not let my foundation rot from the inside out because of carelessness
Not everyone is entitled to my trust
It is not freely given it is earned
You will not see how I see the world
You will not feel how I feel emotions
You will not know what I know the way I’ve come to know it
You will not absorb the way I take things in
We are different species and we always will be
Neither superior or inferior to one another
Just different and the same

I want Immortal love
I want it because it is timeless,
Whereas mortal love is temporary
The mortal knows not how to love,
Beyond reason and logic
Beyond even the heart itself
The mortal knows only how to love,
Until he wants something else;
Until he has had what he has wanted

Temporary hearts need stimulation to keep their interest
The mortal believes novelty is the essence of Love and keeping it

Immortal love is not like this
Novelty never wears off because the focus on the love never strays
They create a healthy obsession, an addiction, a committment to the love they want
Immortal love is selfless
It lives, not only for itself, but for the other
Who becomes just as important if not more to them
While mortal love is selfish
It lives only for the self and gives to others for the hope to get more back
Risks are mocked for the fear of giving too much and leaving empty handed

Immortal love does not entertain these fears
They know that each other will give it all and equal the other out
They know they will be enough
They trust, with all their soul, this love is not fleeting
And they are always right

The gornography you’ve made of my heart
Beating nude in a sheath of it’s own blood
Humiliated in your hands
I will have my revenge
You stroked your ego to the picture of my heart
A porn of murderous love you hungered to watch
Watch me strip my walls down for you
Watch me bare my secrets to you
I’ve made my nest of frankincense and myrrh
Set fire to my bones and fire to my fur
Let eat the skin my empire a small worm
To which now grows the future a more powerful bird
The Phoenix will ALWAYS live

Ironic, how love will act like God, both murdering and creating life

I have met my kryptonite

Time to start focusing on me. I don’t care that I’m being selfish. Everyone else is.

I am not afraid to love and accept myself for who I am currently, because I know who I will become. Bottom line: You don’t deserve my best, and there is so much of it, if you don’t accept my worst. I don’t need to feel less magnificent because of insecurities you have accepting YOURSELF. I know my worth, but the question is, do you?  I see the beauty in everything and everyone so I demand that respect back.